righteousindignation | (no subject)

she glitters, they think. glitter is the only word they have for how much her heart sparkles and twinkles and remains bright even with the tiniest bit of light on it. glittering a hundred different colors of life and the world.

they absolutely despise it.

being inside her heart is hell. hell, if they had a concept of the word beyond it being a human thing that indicated great suffering and torment, the difference between being allowed to make delicious home cooked meals for yourself and then being forced into a life of bitter granola bars and water. her happiness isn't interesting to consume. it sustains them, but at what cost? rainbows and brightness and that brilliant space where they both exist is painful, compared to the great expanses of space littered with a hundred thousand million twinkling stars. those too, know the rainbow, old memories left behind, but they're much subtler about it.

the first few weeks are vicious fighting, angry incoherent screeches and tirades in varying voices, sometimes in the tongue of a planet katze left far behind so many years ago and sometimes in english and mostly in japanese because she needs to understand their rage and how much of a shitty gatchabitch she is-

she puts her hands over her heart and it feels like katze's being held still and they quiet from that. instinctive reaction. always accompanied with her cheery voice. katze-san, shut up! the peace never lasts long, but they still in those moments from the strangeness of touch that they themselves did not instigate. with time, that reaction is less shock, more habit.

there are some benefits to being so linked to someone, katze finds out. that your senses might align at times if it was allowed, that they can peer out from behind her eyes to see the sky, that in her hands there could be something soft, that the sensation of taste is something she'll share. foods taken through someone else's palate are always borrowed, but without it, hajime wouldn't know that katze does in fact have some foods they perk up for more than others. eggs, she finds, for some reason are something the alien will never complain about no matter the form. neither do they protest at kabocha. it's better than choking down the absence of misery.

they fight and fight and they slowly understand what it is to be tired. weary of expending their energy into nothing. so they sleep, and while they don't dream, they learn what it is to rest. and it's only when she's resting that they really can, because so much of the time she's so active that they can feel it. bursting at the seams with all her energy. singing, talking, humming to herself, filling her life with sound and color and experience all filtered through her particular lens. and somehow all of it makes sense to them, no matter how much they try and reject it.

they talk, once katze stops screaming about this and that and actually shows signs of being interested in things. she shows them her collection of notebooks and they let her chatter away about decorations. every stuffed animal is introduced. every one gets a new nickname from katze deliberately to be difficult. she just smiles.

sometimes they talk, and she listens to them. lets them explain things in phrases and pictures and gestures they know she can see. letting it pour out, and then, most revolting of all, she proves she's listening and asks questions and offers her own ideas. there's nothing for it but to keep it up and continue talking until her curiosity's satisfied.

horror of horrors, they realize that they might, actually, be beginning to be comfortable in her presence. which might be more survival since her presence is around them every waking moment, but becoming used to it, enduring it....that's not the same as the way they feel warm around her.

so by the end of a few months, katze no longer screeches day and night. they have not lost the sharpness of their tongue nor their tendency to insult and react quickly and do everything they can to avoid the truth, but they have reached some kind of balance. maybe. the thought begins in their mind that perhaps hajime is theirs and they ought to protect her - none other should harm her, after all. her misery was theirs to invoke and enjoy. and this girl is only human, and so stupid and foolish that...their strength might be the only way...and anyway, she lets them fly again...

of course, those thoughts only come by when they're on the edge of sleeping. and somehow, in that heart space, she has the capacity to decorate their tail with brightly colored bows without them even noticing.